Secret Door Woman

Sitting on the sand near the river, I was watching the night as she gave way to day, the sun showing himself, making the clouds turn to red as if touched by fire expanding through the sky. Then, I saw her—walking on the sand, then disappearing in the water and reappearing; and I, as if hypnotized, was unable to take my eyes off of her.

What a strange creature, as if her body was ready at any minute to change shape, to transform itself into a fish, or get lost in the wind like a bird; and that would happen quickly, in a second, so that I couldn't take my eyes off of her because I was afraid to lose the magic moment. With a movement of her head she gave me a sign to follow her in the water. Without a second though, I did. . . then, we walked on the sand. . . not a single word came out of her mouth, she was laughing like a child enjoying playing.

After my first entanglement was gone, I started asking a thousand questions. I had so many questions and I felt she had answers, I wanted her to teach me. . . but she would not say a thing. Instead, she started collecting wood to make a fire. So what could I do? I quit my questioning and helped her collect wood. After that we sat near the fire, I disappointed that my hopes to learn from her failed. I lied back on the sand and tried to relax. I watched the fire with her red, orange, and yellow sparkles moving. I felt the wind bring smells of trees and flowers. I began to enjoy the warmth and the smell of the burned wood. "The wind is wonderful," I thought and as if she had read my thoughts she turned to me and said, "Isn't this wind wonderful?" Then she stood up and started dancing a dance I had never seen before, so powerful and free. I joined her; and she taught me her dance, like a fire inside trying to find ways to bring her sparkles out everywhere. And the wind, from outside, meeting this fire inside, made her expand and her body move. I felt my body losing its borders. What remained was a fire dancing with the wind.

Then, lying on the sand again, I could just laugh like I could when I was a child whirling around until I felt down, later realizing what happened and laughing with excitement. "Any questions?" she asked, teasing me. No, I had no questions. At that moment it seemed to me to be absolutely meaningless to seek explanations or try to make one. I became red with shame over the many questions I'd put to her earlier. How foolish I can be sometimes!

"No regrets," she said as if she once more had heard my thoughts, "We'll have great fun together." Then she talked to me about the moon and her circles, and other circles—of life, of nature, about women and that every one of us has the gift to open secret doors, touch mysteries unknown to most men, but only if they have the courage to do it. She showed me how listening to my heart I can be a kind of oracle for myself. . .

That was our first meeting.

It was just a dream, or was it just a dream? I dreamed of her—or was I in her dream? Or are we both part of someone else's dream? She laughs over my shoulder and whispers, "the one who doesn't know now will never know and the one who knows will never tell. . ."

She plays games with me and she can be quite confusing but I love her. . . like a friend, like a sister, like a mother.

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